Weather Talk (was it politically correct to call myself retarded?)

Black Rain

Black Rain

 

So how’s the weather? Boy I have wanted to do a blog post on this for a long time. When people talk about the weather I cringe, and when they start going into weather history I want to just step in front of a fast moving bus and end it all. To listen to the average person talk about weather history such as “I’ve never seen weather like this before, first it’s hot then it’s cold” and blah blah blah. Please just slice my feet with a box cutter and stand me in rubbing alcohol. I would feel so much better. I know I’m far from perfect and I try very hard to hide all my little problems such as OCD, retardation and narcissism, along with many others. But when I hear the “weather” talk and it lasts more than thirty seconds I start getting visions of a 2×4 whacking up side someone’s head or the term “curb job” comes to mind. Let’s face it people are fucked up and sometimes they just like to flaunt it. But hey, who am I… right. Well I’ll tell you who I am; I am the guy who “does” actually remember last year’s weather and the year before and the year before that. For one, I take photos nearly every single day of my life and I save them in folders according to date. If I want to see what a given day looked like five years ago I just open that folder and look. It gives me a fairly good idea of what the weather was and after viewing the photos of that day I remember “oh yeah” it was 90 degrees that day… and so on.

So that is really the thing that drives me insane the most, when I hear people talk about the weather and complain about the weather. Two things here;

1. You can’t change or stop the weather although there are conspiracy theorists that will swear Dick Cheney is flying around seeding clouds and it has to be Dick Cheney because he just looks so evil & guilty. So he’s up there trying to change the weather.

2. It seems nobody really remembers or I should say has an accurate account of what happened last year or for that matter last week.

If they stop and think about it they remember, but there lays the big problem “stopping and thinking.” The weather is the everyday public’s big pacifier. And to get even more critical the media really controls the weather. Unless you go to an accurate source for your weather such as NOAA (there are others too) you are just hearing what some “talking head” is spouting. Sure the talking head has credibility because the producer added a prefix to his last name and said let’s call him Glenn “Hurricane” Swartz that will make this idiot so much more believable. In between reading (info from a website) the he/she weather person is judging the local chili cook-off or reading birthdays of centenarians. What knowledge this person must have to “read” the weather. With my catering business I once catered a large graduation party for a young man who officially had the title “Meteorologist.” He was smart and well educated, but his father said “I hope he really uses this degree and doesn’t just become a weather man or I’ll just shoot myself.” I had to laugh as did everyone else.

Seriously though, people just talk about the weather when they have absolutely nothing else to say but they want to hear words come out of their mouth so they open their lips and weather talk comes out. It is almost as if the words have been sitting there all day just inside their lips waiting for just the right moment. It is like the words see “ok the brain is slowing down now, everybody up and ready” and then like soldiers ready to jump out of a plane on the word “go” the brain stops and “weather talk” come dribbling out of their mouth similar to a baby spitting up. I want to take a napkin and say “there, there stupid fool you’ll be ok you just had some stupid weather talk fall down your chin.” “Let’s get you cleaned up and you’ll feel better.”

Weather history, global warming and all that crap and it is crap people. Yes the planet may be getting hotter; Like that never happened before? Is man causing it? Sure he is. Will he stop causing it? No. It’s like how a medical professional takes care of you. They don’t want to cure you; they want to make money from you. The real doctor who cares about a human life is pulling shrapnel out of a little girls leg who stepped on a land mine in some third world country and he’s working for nothing or next to nothing. The doctor who cares for you sees you as a country club payment, it’s a business.  Global warming is the next big money maker; if you fix it you can’t make money from it. Ok back to history of the world’s weather, now follow me with this. The world is 4.5 billion years old, right. Take the pen lying on the desk in front of you, lay it down and from tip to tip it is a timeline that represents 4.5 billion years. How long has man been accurately recording the weather? A few hundred years, how big is a few hundred years compared to your 4.5 billion year time line? So throw your stinking statistics out the window. I rest my case.

I have no problem with someone asking about the weather, such as “is it going to rain today” or “what is the forecast for tomorrow.” But the next time you hear someone actually talk about the weather just stop and really listen, most times it is laughable. For a real laugh check out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2HpB5CGfLQ

 

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